Saturday, December 06, 2003
how do you know?
i was just taking this mensa puzzle that sui san had linked on her website and i managed to score 24 out of 33. apparently...if we get anything more than 19 we're considered genius but it's pretty easy once you get the hang of it. the trick is to figure out what the number is before everything else. once you've managed to get that done it's pretty easy.a couple of friends ended their relationships recently and a couple of other friends began new ones. and as i was talking to them about the joy and sadness of relationships...i began to wonder....when one relationship is over...another begins. and i'm not talking about the next boyfriend or the next girlfriend that comes along. i'm talking about the new kind of friendship that you have to cultivate with the person you just broke up with. how do you shift from being intimate one minute and 'just friends' the next?
if the relationship was intense then there's definitely going to be some expectations and mixed feelings looming around. some people take the easy way out....go on the rebound. being in a relationship will make you forget about your past relationships....at least for a fleeting moment. and eventually they hope that they'll fall in love with the rebound guy and if not...it's time to break up and go on another rebound. but there's bound to be emotional baggage lying around. you can't be friends with your ex because you're still in love with him but he doesn't love you...and you can't get into another intimate relationship because you still love your ex. so what do you do?
you go out and have fun. instead of pining over ex's and how you'll never be able to move on...you have to stop talking about him and just have fun. one good way of getting him out of your mind is by keeping yourself occupied. take up a new hobby...socialise more...get together with your friends more often. i know it might sound like you're just running away from it but eventually the past will just slip from your mind and you'll be wondering where the 1 year went. hopefully...once you've learned to put the past behind and you've gotten rid of all that mixed feelings and expectations...you'll be able to be friends with your ex and if the cosmic forces permit...find someone else to love.
i'm not exactly one to preech about the joys and sadness' of relationships. i haven't exactly been in love...but i can't say for sure. i might have been...i might not have been. i don't know what it feels like and i still don't. people always say that you'll know you're in love when you know everything about the person...his faults and his shortcomings...but you still love them anyway. in the first place....i don't know for sure what love feels like so how would i know whether i still love that person despite his shortcomings? does loving mean accepting and understanding? that can't be all it is...sometimes i think that it's all bullshit. maybe you accept it anyway cause you're a really patient and understanding person. maybe you can't accept it because you're a stubborn control freak. but who's to say you still don't love? does loving mean you'll have the butterflies-in-stomach-head-spinning-cloud-9 feeling? once again...that can't be all it is. isn't love supposed to be the reason for living. shouldn't it then be something grand....something greater than sex...or money or a massive house?
sometimes i look at people in love and i wonder....what makes them so sure that they're in love? is it because they think they are...therefore they are? so the question today is....how do you know when you're truly in love?
feefs, 12:58 PM
