Thursday, December 11, 2003
is ignorance really bliss
went to watch infernal affairs 3 today. normally it's not something i would do on a thursday night for two reasons.1. it's a chinese movie
2. i haven't watched part 1 and 2
i went to watch it anyway cause two people backed out last minute due to unexpected circumstances and i so happened to be free. so anyway...i didn't understand the movie.
i found out some important news about a friend today which shocked me and it's not because of the importance of the news but mainly because he didn't personally tell me about it. i had to find out from a mutual friend of ours that i hardly ever see. why was he hiding it from me? i talk to this friend once in awhile...bump into him occasionally. he had his window of opportunity but he still decided to keep it from me. his deviant behaviour led me to wonder the motives behind his actions...or should i say inactions.
everyday we experience new things. new challenges...new adventures...new beginnings...and sometimes even endings. certain things are regarded as trivial and others are regarded as turning points in our lives. we choose what we want to tell and to whom we want to divulge this information to. there are a few reasons as to why we keep certain things from certain people. trust definitely plays an important role in friendships and we would obviously prefer to confide in people that we trust about the more important and delicate things such as emotions and painful experiences. other things such as what i ate for lunch today and how my neighbours dog bit my shoe are trivial things that i don't mind telling anyone. people won't judge me based on what i ate or why my shoes look like cheese.
so does it all go back to judgement? we hide things from people for fear of being scorned and ridiculed? is that why gay people are so afraid to come out of the closet? is that why 20 year old boys are afraid to admit that they still play with their baby sisters barbie dolls? is that why we don't tell the people around us that we've had our hearts broken? we don't want to come off as weak...weird...insane. running off topic here.....
anyway...back to the point....
as i was trying to pinpoint the motives behind the secretive behaviour i wondered....was he afraid that it would affect me? i cannot deny that a certain amount of my happiness is derived from the happiness of my friends. if the people surrounding me are happy i would naturally be happy for them. but what happens if their happiness comes at your expense? initially i was disappointed to find out that he chose to keep it a secret from me. then it hit me...i suddenly felt insulted. does he think that i would be selfish enough to do something as disgusting as to mourn his happiness and his achievements? bottom line is...i'm not hurt. i'm not even affected by his decisions and his actions. i do feel offended by his inactions but after some careful thought i've decided not to hold it against him.
but in the case that it was something that would hurt me and affect me...would i want to know? if i had to know i'd want to hear it from the person himself/herself. i don't like to engage in all this 'i heard from a friend who heard from another friend' activity. have you ever played that game where you whisper something into someone’s ear and that person whispers what you just said to another and the process is repeated until it reaches about 15 people? what started out as ‘the elephant is big and hairy’ would be translated into ‘the telephone is neat and handy’. after the news has reached more or less 3 or 4 people...it gets skewed and twisted. i prefer to get first hand information especially when it's about the people i care most for.
they say that ignorance is bliss...is it really? what you don't know won't hurt you....that i know for sure. but is it right to go out of your way not to know so that you can protect yourself from any unwanted after affects? more importantly...is it right for us to keep certain things from our friends because we fear that it might hurt them? if we're such good friends we should be able to be open and honest enough with each other. we should be able to tell each other things without judging...without fear....without holding back. we should be able to rejoice in each others happiness even if it hurts us. i know i know....easier said than done.
by keeping things secret we're just digging an even bigger hole for ourselves. we start to question the friendship. we start to question the motives behind it. we start to doubt ourselves and each other. we're bound to hear it one way or another so why not from the source itself? sometimes i think that people hide because they want to save themselves the trouble of having to explain themselves. they wait for the person to approach them and they give the excuse of 'i was waiting for the right time to tell you'. as if the initial blow was not enough they have to make us feel even more like a fool by playing the 'i was waiting for the right time' card.
yes...i know...we are women and women have a tendency to 'freak out' and run amok. but by stereotyping us as 'unstable' it isn't an excuse to hide things from us. i'd like to believe that a fair amount of us are able to be cool..calm and collected. most of all...i'd like to believe that i can be. but that still doesn't answer my question...is it better to know?
feefs, 1:42 PM
