Thought Of The Day: that's the funny thing about romance. if you had to ask for it, it takes away all the romance.

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Saturday, November 29, 2003

lost in IT

went to lowyat and sungeiwang today to do some pre-shopping shopping. ok..that's another way of just saying window shopping. normally i wouldn't shop at sungeiwang or lowyat cause it's just not my style but today was different. i was looking for a laptop. i also bumped into a handphone...pda...and digital camera. that's the bad thing about going shopping...you're bound to run into things that you never thought you wanted. anyway...in some weird twisted way it felt good to be there. for the first time in my life i'm about to purchase an item that's worth more than RM1000. i've spent more than a thousand bucks collectively in one day but this is different. buying my car was different as well cause it wasn't really my money to begin with and i'd be paying instalments.

anyway...as i was doing that whole pre-shopping shopping thingey today i was amazed at the amount of options we have these days. the more options we have the more confused we get. i know what i want...i know what i need...
but is it really about what you need anymore? what are the basic necessities...food...shelter...clothes...enough money to survive...blah blah. what do we want? we want everything...we want money..lots of it...we want a big house...a very big house...we want nice clothes...many nice clothes. everything is about quantity now. the more we have the better we feel.

ok anyway...back to options. today i was looking for a laptop and i found so many that were on par with each other. but when making a decision...i find myself attracted the the better looking laptop as opposed to the cheaper less attractive looking laptop that has the same specifications. the same goes for everything else...i.e handphones...pdas...cars...clothes....

since when have we (or should i say 'i') grown so vain? i believe everyone is in some way or another...vain. we might deny it but we all are. it's part of human nature. we don't buy clothes unless we look good in it. we don't buy shoes unless it looks good. we don't shave our heads because we won't look good. some of us are even as shallow as to select our partners based on aesthetics as the number one priority. honestly...i wouldn't want to bring out that 'hag' to meet my friends but if above all he is 'the one' (gawd i can't believe i just said that seeing that i don't believe in 'the one') then i guess my friends would just have to deal with the eyesore being around.

once again...we've become so jaded that we fail to see the essence of the matter. oh well...i guess it's another one of those things that we can't change. we just have to play along.

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Friday, November 28, 2003

OUCH!!!

recently i had the pleasure of being hit in the crotch by a football. and let me tell those of you who have yet to experience it....it is not funny. you know how guys suffer excruciating pain when they're kicked in the balls....well...i'll never know cause i don't have a dick and balls to go with it. i'm assuming it's not as painful as being kicked in the balls...but it is nonetheless painful. but i think the pain is slightly different. it's not the kind that hurts when the incident happens. it's the kind that hurts the next day. kinda like a bruise or a muscle pull. oh well...it happened on wednesday so i've recovered now.

i think i'm finally getting a laptop. went to the bank today to get the cash...7k. it breaks my heart to spend so much money in one place but it's the price i have to pay for being spoilt. so i'm hoping that i can get a laptop for way cheaper than 7k cause i was thinking of using the balance to pamper myself over christmas and new years.

have you ever been in a situation where you want something or someone so bad but you're afraid to ask because you're afraid you might get rejected? i recently had this conversation with a girly friend of mine and we were trying to figure out what's the safest way of letting someone know you're interested in them without being embarassed. i understand that fear is one of the main reasons why we hold back when it comes to emotions. we fear being let down..we fear being rejected...we fear humiliation. but then again...what happens if that person is interested in you as well. wouldn't it be worth the possible humiliation and rejection?

our generation grew up with a twisted reality. if we were living in the 40's and someone holds your hand...that counts for something. but now...you can sleep with someone and it wouldn't mean a God damned thing. so how can you tell whether that person is being sincere or not....how can you tell whether he is interested or whether he's just yanking your chain (amongst other things)? people are sending so many mixed signals out there and it's either to misintepret it. it's easy to get caught in a web of seduction and believe that he's interested in pursuing an intimate relationship when all he really wants is sex. so what do we do? we have to adapt to the situation. we have to detach ourselves from all emotions and play the same games as they do. we have to be calm...centered...nonchalant...aloof even. some people have to try to be cool...others are just cool as ice by nature.

oh...that reminds me...someone once told me that i'm an 'ice queen'. do i really hurt people that bad? sometimes i wonder why men are as erratic as women. some of them want to be played...others don't. how do we tell one from the other? but i think it's challenging and fun. it kills the monotony of life sometimes. if things were so easy...how would we know how we really feel.

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Wednesday, November 26, 2003

rules of attraction...

when it comes to choosing a partner...aesthetics do play an important role..so does personality. but what is the first thing that attracts you to another person. you can't see a persons character just by looking at him so the obvious answer would be looks. i was discussing the subject of attraction with a friend last night over a cuppa teh o'ais and he mentioned something about not being able to be with someone he is not attracted to. granted...that is the case for most of us out there. then comes the question of what attracts us....

different people have different preferences. i know mine are a bit out of the norm and i know some people who don't have many preferences. does that mean that i'm picky? yes it does. i'm not afraid to admit that i'm very selective when it comes to finding a partner...let alone a close friend. they have to fit a certain criteria and it takes a long long time before they can gain my trust (traits that befit a scorpio). that is probably why i'm still single. in any case...i'm quite sure that there is someone out there who fits my bill. i'm just wondering whether i fit his bill.

anyway...the point i'm trying to get to is this...how do we know who we deserve and who decides what we deserve? is there a system that determines who we can date and who we can't? we hear about ugly guys with gorgeous chicks...rich girls with poor guys...rich guys with poor girls...good looking guys with ugly looking girls...you name it we've probably got a couple for each one. and who are we to say they don't deserve each other? who are we to say that they're either in it for the money or for the sex?

after every relationship there is bound the be the words 'you deserve better'. what is that supposed to mean? how do we know what we deserve? is it like christmas and santa claus? if i've been a good girl i'll get a present from santa. if i'm really bad i'll grow up alone and unhappy. are we punished for the wrongs we have done in our past relationships in our future relationships? i've treated people badly on more than one occasion and i'm afraid that i'll be treated the same way in the future as punishment for the wrongs that i've done. it doesn't have to come in the form of the same situation...it could be many other things.

question is...is it really 'a tit for a tat'?

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Monday, November 24, 2003

faking it...

recently i was discussing the topic of desperation with a friend. seems a bit too early for people our age to be desperate to be in a relationship. the only thing we should be desperate for at this age is a job with a good income. but that's besides the point...there are people out there in their twenties who are desperate to be with someone. why? aren't we at the prime of our youth? we should be going out there and having fun with what we have instead of pining away about the stuff we don't have.

sometimes i believe people just need the companionship...a certain someone to just be there. he could be standing there as lame as a tree and it wouldn't matter...as long as he's there. but if that is the case...what are friends for? in my opinion...one lousy relationship is worthless but one great friendship is priceless. so why not just go out there are make friends rather than to hunt down guys in hopes that you'll find one to fill up the gap?

other people just need the affirmation. they need to validate their worth and apparently... being in a relationship is sufficient enough to prove to the world that they're worth something. i pity the people who suffer from low self esteem. if you're not confident with yourself...who will be? i'm not saying that everyone should go out there and boast confidence. i know my limits..i know what i can do and what i can't...i don't know what i can get and what i can't. being in a relationship does not give me the ISO stamp of approval. i see many good people who are in dead end relationships...relationships that are not worth the time and effort and the only reason they're not getting out of it is because they're afraid to be alone.

then there's the type of people who are in relationships because everyone else is in one. it's back to school time where everyone just had to have an eastpak bag cause all the cool people were using it. i know being a 500W lamp post isn't funny. i've definitely been there and it is (more often than not) uncomfortable. but i don't expect it to be any less than uncomfortable.

so they fake it. and i'm not talking about faking an orgasm or pretending to like your other half's cooking. i'm talking about faking full blown relationships. you pretend that you're happy....lie through your teeth when you say 'i love you'....sometimes even change your appearance and style to suit your pseudo relationship. why bother? all that hard work and effort? i thought relationships were supposed to be effortless and things should just come naturally.

we're in our twenties...has it come to a point that we should be afraid of how people perceive us to be? yes...i have to admit that being single can get a bit lonesome and monotonous sometimes but in the event that it does...i choose to go out and have fun with the people i can truly count on...my friends.

i've been through some pretty rough times lately and thanks to my friends i believe i've become a better person through it. yes i do engage in some nasty activities like gambling and staying out really late and all but you know what...when you're in a rut...anything that will take your mind off things is a good thing. this is the part where i get all emo and start thanking you guys and saying how much i appreciate everything and i'll be there for you anytime and anywhere.

enough said :)

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Friday, November 21, 2003

i've always wondered....

i've always wondered what happened to jonathan brandis. remember how his face used to be plastered all over those teeny bopper magazines? well...here's what happened to him. he died...commited suicide a week ago it seems.
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the big V

i was talking to a friend today about everything and anything and he asked me why girls lie about their sexuality i.e whether she's still a virgin or not. so we were talking about it and trying to figure out why girls generally (bear in mind i'm not a generic girl) lie about having slept with someone or in some cases...multiple someones. we concluded that it could stem from 3 different reasons...

1. she's in denial that she ever slept with that prick who broke her heart.
2. she doesn't want you to feel uncomfortable or insecure.
3. she's afraid that you would think of her differently..i.e. as a slut perhaps

but isn't it a bit extreme to go around wearing a big V on your forehead when it's pretty obvious that someone has already poked you in more ways than one? people talk and people tell and most of the time...nothing is a secret. sooner or later someone will burst the bubble and it's more humiliating to be caught lying about being a virgin than to not be a virgin.

some people are proud to admit that they sleep around and they even go to the extent of listing names. some people (especially girls) lie about how many people they've slept with because they don't want to be judged by the amount of people they've slept with or who they've slept with. no matter how much we'd like to believe that we're all open minded and we can accept almost anything....we still judge. for example...if someone tells me that she has slept with Joe (names have been altered to protect privacy) i'd think of her as a slut cause only a slut would sleep with a prick like that. if a guy i'm dating tells me that he's slept with more than a handful of people i'd think twice as well.

so why do people lie? i guess it's to protect themselves. from who and from what i still have yet to figure out. we used to come from a place where being a non-virgin was a sin...but now it seems as if perception has changed. now it seems as if we're being ridiculed and laughed at if we're virgins. but what my friend said is true. sex is all around us. it's on tv..the internet..billboards...magazines...even the clothes we wear are screaming out for sex. it's the foreign exposure that has turned us into what we are today. although our government would like for us to be truly malaysian i have to admit that we are governed by western culture. oh well...can't complain though.

anyway...i need a break. i need to unwind and go to a place where children and pianos don't co-exist. lotsa holidays coming up and i do want to travel so badly but there's one thing that always snags me back to reality. i have no money. oh well...i guess i have to leech of the experiences of others and it would have to satisfy my travel needs for now.

oh btw....you know how people are always saying it's a small world. well...the world is too small when you sit down at a mamak and realize that the 3 guys in the table next to you are talking about your ex's. i'm not kidding. i sat down at a mamak last week and there were 3 guys sitting in the next table. i have never seen them before in my whole entire life. i overheard them talking about one of my ex's...then came another ex's...and then another. can you imagine that? 3 strangers talking about 3 of my ex's when i'm sitting right next to them. it's time for me to find a new hangout place. any suggestions?

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Monday, November 17, 2003

birthday blues

as you all might have already known...it's my birthday today. it didn't hit me until i was having dinner today with friends and they got me a cake...actually it was a joint cake with meng jinn. thanks you guys for all the effort and wishes :) anyway...we had the whole birthday song routine and cutting of the cake. followed by the extraction of candles using only the mouth. it was fun until it finally hit me that i'm a year older.

birthdays for me is a time to reflect on the year that has past...what have i achieved...what have i gained...what have i learned.....nothing. time might as well have stood still this year. i've gone nowhere and my life hasn't changed. i've done some travelling and i've met some new people over the past year but career-wise i remain stagnant and in matters of the heart and mind i'm still lost. but then again who has all the answers? i don't think i've met a single person who is not lost in one way or another. so i guess i'm just part of the norm :)

anyway...a couple of friends and i went for supper at A&W just now and they picked me up from my birthday blues and cheered me up. i sat in an airplane and flew across the world and two of my friends rumbled with a bear :) not to mention the pioneer of stupidity and spontanaeity who drove for what seemed like hours listening to the song 'hi ho' from snow white and the seven dwarves. nobody on earth (except the four of us) will understand what happened. on the way home from supper...my dearest friend actually drove backwards on a stretch of road and rolled down a hill for me. thanks guys for the laughs :)

i guess i subject myself to self inflicted pain sometimes. i dote over small little things and i ponder about issues that have no answers just so that i can wallow in my sorrows sometimes. but when i'm out with my friends...they always manage to cheer me up in the most unsuspecting ways. bear in mind that they don't do it on purpose...my friends are just 'nutty' by nature. and so am i.....HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!

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great expectations

someone who was and still is not very close to me gave me a lecture today. apparently i have no direction in life and even though i've worked for 3 years..i'm still stuck in the same place. i didn't know there was a corporate ladder for music teachers. oh well...anyway...what she said made sense and i know for a fact that i have no direction. i know what i like to do and what i have passion for but i'm too lazy to do something about it. i have stuck myself in this groove and i've become complacent with my current lifestyle. so much so that i'm too lazy to get out of it. the thing that scares me the most is waking up one day and realizing that it's too late. you know how people always say it's never too late. well...i believe that in some cases there is some room for tardiness.

i believe we all have choices. and i didn't exactly turn out the way i wanted to...
and i don't think this was what my parents had planned for me. but shit happens. i know i can do better and i know i haven't reached my peak yet but i'm too lazy to make a choice. i'd rather stay where i am right now. i know it's not good and i know it's not getting me anywhere.

which brings me to the question of the day: why is it we do not change until it's an ultimatum? when we're sick (physically) we visit a doctor in hopes that he will pinpoint the illness and perscribe meds to begin our road to recovery. but when it comes to life and the choices we make why is it so difficult for us to take precautions? why do we wait until the last possible moment? why do we have to hear the words "or else" before we do something about it? we obviously (at least i'd like to believe so) know what's best for us but we sometimes choose not to see it. we'd rather live in denial and ignorance. ignorance is bliss...yes...but ignorance is unhealthy and unproductive as well.

i have this disease. it's called procrastination. i've pinpointed my disease but i'm not doing anything to remedy my non-fatal disease. if i had a disease and it was called AIDS i would be spending every moment doing the things that i've always wanted to do and living the life that i've always wanted. i would want to go to sleep at night (or in the morning) satisfied and fulfilled. but until i am diagnosed with such a disease i will most probably be my usual procrastinating self.

what's the worse that could happen? i might miss a boat or two...is it worth it?

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Sunday, November 16, 2003

endless options....

received the wedding invitation today...it was very nicely done. had a poem written in front of it that was sooooo sweet it turned me into a diabetic. the dress code is formal so i'm in desperate need of some new clothes. those who know me will know that i do not own anything formal. oh well...guess i have to do the mix and match and see what i come up with.

remember the note to self that i had at the end of my last post? well..it didn't work. bought an MNG top today and a pair of black strappy heels. the MNG top wasn't exactly a top but more of a cardigan thingey so i guess it's worth it cause i've been trying to get a black cardi for a long time. the last one i had probably got eaten by a rat or something cause it just mysteriously disappeared from my house.

i've been online all day searching for a good laptop to buy. it's tiring and tedious and i have no idea what's a good laptop. maybe it's time i did some real shopping. all this online technology doesn't get me anywhere cause i still have no idea what i'm looking at and what i'm reading.

whoops...it's 6.40am and it's time to go for breakfast. just got the call. i'm out......

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Saturday, November 15, 2003

long lost.....

it seems to me that there are friends that stick with you for as long as you want/need them to..and there are the kind of friends that come and go. i've been around for 22 years and the people that i mix with now are the people that i met about 4 years ago. what happened to those friends that i was close with prior to that? i know people change in time and we all drift our separate ways but i've always wondered why it has to be so for me. i see people hanging out with each other since high school and sometimes even primary school and i wonder how they do it.

in life...there will be people who are destined to leave your life. where they go is a mystery...but the impact they've made will stay with you for a long time. lessons are learned from past mistakes or past relationships (not only intimate ones but platonic ones as well). and we're supposed to learn from these mistakes so we know where not to go and what not to do in the future.

but then there's also the question of whether that person leaves a positive or negative impact. after every break up and after every friend that is lost i start to question myself. did i do anything wrong? why have we gone our separate ways? yada yada yada...and sometimes i come to the conclusion that there's never always a reason or a lesson to learn. i don't know where i'm actually getting with all this. i'm just quite pissed off because i've lost a few friends recently and i'm just wondering whether it's me that's the problem.

oh well...spoke to my brother last night. he's coming back for chinese new year. i'm so excited. my brother is in the States working and has been for 2 years i think. prior to that he was studying in MD for 2 years so i haven't seen him in a grand total of 4 years. since he's coming back i'm taking the opportunity to import some stuff back from the States. now if i can just figure out what i want....

it's raining really heavy right now and by right i shouldn't be on the computer when it's raining. but i'm too lazy to log off and get my ass to bed so i'll just pray that lightning doesn't strike...my modem that is. watched a mildly entertaining movie earlier today called 'duplex'. ben stiller is still funny but drew barrymore can't do funny. it's a mindless movie if you're interested in watching something that does not require much thought.

was invited to a friends brother's wedding which will be next sunday night. wonder if i'll meet any cute guys there...tee heee.... :) but that's not the point of going to a wedding dinner. the whole point of going to a wedding dinner is to rejoice in the union of two people in love. i don't have anything to wear to the wedding dinner. time to shop :)

went to BBplaza today to visit the new french connection outlet that just opened. nothing much to buy but i did buy a top for a hundred buckeroos. now i'm seriously regretting it although i do love the top...i don't think it's worth a hundred bucks. i did make up spending that much money on 1 item by buying another one that's really cheap. i guess everything does work out :)

note to self: no more shopping until christmas

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Friday, November 14, 2003

'in between'

i completely blew the interview. it was all going so well until the cheif editor asked me one question...and i completely blew it. oh well...better luck next time. they're still going to consider my application but as far as i'm concerned i blew it. if i were the editor i wouldn't hire me. he did have some nice things to say about my writings though. which got me to thinking that maybe i don't suck at it after all. i just think that the stuff i write about is a bit perverse and it might not be suited for malaysian readers.

i really wanna get a laptop. i'm hoping my mom would contribute some money into the 'buy me a laptop' fund but i'm seriously not keeping my hopes up. the last time i asked her for one she gave me the 'grunt'. then again..she does that 'grunt' everytime i ask for something...and sometimes i'd eventually get it. so maybe i'll give it a shot...who knows...i might get lucky.

i'm such a spoilt brat. i know i am...but i know that i'm self sufficient and independent too :) it's nice to be a mix of both. i support myself financially and emotionally and if things get bumpy i know my mom will always be there for monetary support and my friends will be there to keep my mental health in tact.

the other day i was talking to a friend and he asked me whether i was seeing anyone and when i said no...he gave me the 'face'. i find it insulting and offensive. i don't like to be given the 'pity' face. i am single...and i'm not shy to admit that. i am also single by choice....but at the same time i am also aware that i might not exactly be the greatest person or the prettiest of people so my choices are limited...that's if i even have choices. and it doesn't bug me. what's the worst that could happen?

i just don't understand why some people find it so important to be attached. is it loneliness? is it the need for companionship? is it a craving for attention? or is it just because everyone else is in a relationship? don't get me wrong...peer pressure is definitely one reason why a lot of people get into the wrong relationships...but like i said...'wrong' relationships. i don't need to be in a relationship to have affirmation that i'm worthy. i don't need to be with somebody to fill up the emptiness in my life. there are so many other things out there that can fill up the gap such as friends...work...hobbies...family...etc.

then it suddenly hit me...it wasn't the 'pity' face that i was upset at. it's the 'what's wrong with you' face that followed that really got to me. people generally assume that there must be a reason why a person is single. something must be wrong with them physically or mentally. he/she might have 6 toes or an obsessive compulsive behaviour. single people are freaks...
that's why they're single. that's the only explanation isn't it?

i guess everyone has a little freakiness in them and that is what makes a relationship interesting. i can't be bothered to be in a monotonous relationship where everything is the same day in and day out. i need adventure..i need spontanaeity...i need passion and romance..i need to not know what's going to happen next. maybe that's the freak in me.

but the question is...even with all that romance and passion and adventure...would it be enough?

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Wednesday, November 05, 2003

no judgement

is there anything about you that you hide from others for fear of being judged?

as much as i'd like to believe i'm open and honest with all my friends i know that there are certain things that i keep to myself because i'm afraid that people (even my close friends) would think of my differently. it could be something small...it could be something big...but the fact remains that i'm still hiding things from people. i suddenly realized it when i was talking to a friend and he asked me a 'yes' or 'no' question and i lied. i didn't think about the answer. i just flat out lied in his face. this led me to dissect the situation. to try and figure out why i lied.

everyone has a fear of not being accepted. nobody wants to be known as the weirdo or the one with issues. so what do we do? we adapt. we constantly try and change ourselves to adapt to situations. hence...we lie about something if it's out of the norm. nobody at 25 (or at least no one i know) will admit that they're a virgin. even now when gays and lesbians are rampant...some will try and hide their sexuality for fear of being shunned. i deny ever being with this idiot i went out with for almost a year. why? mainly because it was a mistake and i'd like to erase him out of my memory and cross him off my list of ex's but it's also partly because i don't want to admit it....i fear that people would judge me. it could be something big like your past criminal record...it could be something as small as lying about where you were last night or who you went out with. bottom line...we're afraid.

why are we so scared? basically we want to fit in. fit into where? fit into the norm i suppose. but what is the norm? who sets the norm? i believe that in every clique...in every little society...there is an opinion leader. and i'm not talking along the lines of a president or a prime minister. go back to the days of high school....trace back all the people you used to hang out with. now...there will usually be one or two people who stand out in the group. these people are the opinion leaders. they're usually the one that influences everyone else and they're usually known as the popular ones. not only do they influence other in terms of wardrobe and accessories but they also influence they're thoughts and opinions. if the opinion leaders thought that someone was not cool enough to hang out with them...the rest of the group would probably agree without even getting to know that person before hand.

when did we become so jaded that we forgot about the 'self'? i know for a fact that i have a lot of secrets. sometimes i wonder whether it's because i'm afraid or because i prefer to be unpredictable. i like being a mystery...but with certain friends i already am an open book. even then i find myself having difficultly sharing certain thoughts and certain experiences with them. someday i hope i can be open and honest enough with my friends to reveal them. but until then...i choose to be 'not so me'.

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Sunday, November 02, 2003

matrix?

the websters dictionary defines the word 'matrix' as a situation or surrounding substance within which something else originates, develops, or is contained. doesn't help much does it. notice how dictionaries are devised in such a way that you probably don't know the meaning of the word that they gave you as the meaning of the word you were looking for so you have to check out the meaning of two words (or sometimes even three) before you can find out the meaning of the word you were looking for in the first place. yes i know i'm confusing myself.

back to the topic...the matrix. i will try my best to dissect the movie and give you my opinions on the possible endings. i managed to catch the first installment of the matrix a few days back on dvd. it wasn't the way i remembered it. when i watched it for the first time...all i was interested in was the action scenes and the special effects of the movie. that was before i found out that there was going to be a second installment. when there's a continuation things are different. i tend to pay more attention to the storyline and the continuity of the whole movie. does it add up? is there a connection? blah blah blah....well...i have to admit that the first episode did have one of those 'what the fuck' type endings where you have no idea what happens next. now i know why.

but even then the whole movie is very vague. just when you think you know something the creators decide to twist it and there goes your assumption out the window. but hey...aren't assumptions the mother of all fuck ups. i've tried to dissect this movie over and over and over and still i have yet to reach a conclusion. i still have no opinion on whether it's a good tomato or a rotten one. no doubt...the action scenes and the special effects are spectacular but the essence of a movie lies in the script. and this script is running around the bush. i'm just glad that the final installment is coming out in 3 days. i hate watching movies without knowing the ending. that's one reason why i just had to read 'lord of the rings'. here's what i think....

i believe that the matrix could be a game of some sort. a strap on head device that allows him to participate in the game called 'enter the matrix'. he makes his own rules...he sets the stage...and he controls everything and anything within the game.

on the other hand....it could all be a dream. that would be one hell of an anti-climax don't you think. if Neo wakes up and goes "phews...it was only a dream" i swear i'll send a dagger to the wachowski brothers house. if that is their idea of a joke it seriously isn't funny.

if you were paying attention to colonel sanders in matrix reloaded (col. sanders being the supposed creator of the matrix who speak to neo somewhere at the end of the movie)....you would probably remember him telling neo that he has two choices. either he saves trinity and everyone in the real world dies...or he goes through the door and everyone lives. he also did mention that this is the fifth or sixth matrix that they have created and that all the previous matrix's were failures due to an anomaly in the system. if neo were to opt to save trinity and let everyone in the real world die...they would have to create another matrix with other humans and another 'one'. but if everyone in the real world is dead...how can they create another matrix? now that's what made me think that maybe the real world is the matrix. could it be a matrix within the matrix?

i could be completely wrong and everything could be different. like i said...the matrix has a way of making you believe something one minute and completely taking that away from you in the next. so i guess we'll have to wait till the movie comes out to find out the true ending. i personally have a feeling that it is going to be an anti-climax. i'm not exactly a fanatic so i have no idea what other points i might be missing. i'm telling it from what i see and hear from the first and second installment. that's my thoughts on the matrix.

one a brighter note...i went for a nice birthday dinner last night with some friends at mont kiara. it was an interesting night partly because i was with a different clique of friends...most of them i don't know very well but they are a bunch of funny and friendly people. met up with the usual gang at hartamas after that and did the usual pool and drinks routine. so much for trying to do something different...it was fun while it lasted :)

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