Friday, January 30, 2004
the cat's out of the bag
it's been a long and tiring day and it's not because my day started early or that i had anything important to do. i was aroused from slumber at about 4pm...got my ass to work at 6...but as usual i was late....finished at 9.30....went over to a friends house for some minor gambling action and then i adjourned to bar savanh for a mingling session. met up with a few friends...most of which i don't see on a daily basis. anyway...it was nice to see them...catch up...talk nonsense. but then i felt erm...out of place. i don't fancy crowded places and loud music. i can tolerate it but it's not exactly my kinda scene. my kinda scene would involve a mahjong table or a deck of cards with lotsa cash rotating from one hand to another. but i have to admit that i'm starting to remember what it's like to do the social thing. i remember being able to derive my happiness from the people around me. everyone at bar savanh was laughing and talking and just being in the midst of all that made me reminisce and for a moment i actually felt happy. but eventually i started to miss my everyday friends...and i adjourned back to my friends place for a few rounds of gin.my mind has been a bit preoccupied lately. partly because there's been way too much gambling but also because i've been offered a job in singapore. the job offer actually came awhile ago...i think it was in august last year. at that time i didn't even have to consider it cause things were going so well here. i was happy with my work...my family....my friends...everything was in the right place. but over the past few months i've realized that i'm not moving anywhere. i'm stuck in this place where i'm happy even though i know there are some things out there that would be in my best interest. working in singapore is definitely in my best interest...better pay...good opportunity and it would definitely be an experience. in the beginning i didn't really see it as an option because i couldn't picture myself being away from home. but now i think it's time for me to move....literally. i've been thinking about it for a very long time and today i finally realized that it's something worth exploring. instead of shoving the offer aside i should really look into it and see whether it's do-able and if it is i should go with my head and not my heart. my heart will always be here...given a choice i would never want to leave home. but my head tells me that the opportunity is too great to pass. it would help me financially...and the working experience abroad (if we can even call it that) would be good.
i didn't exactly tell anybody about it until today. but even then...i don't want to jump the gun. there are a whole lot of things that could still go wrong. i guess i'll just look into the idea...and then i'll weigh the pros and cons from there. right now everything is so vague. they've only given me a rough estimate on salary and they've explained the working conditions but i'm pretty sure there's a lot more to know since i'm actually considered a foreigner.
on a different note...someone asked me again why i refuse to find myself a boyfriend. my response...have u seen me lately? i look like something the cat dragged into the house early in the morning on a rainy day. the question is...who would want to be with someone like me? i'm bitchy...cynical...unsympathetic...shallow...rude...crude...judgemental.... and so much more. i know it's possible to change but i like myself the way i am i guess and i like things the way they are. free and easy. i sound like a travel package. "6 days 5 nights free and easy in gold coast australia" i like things to be simple and most of the relationships i've been in have not been simple. and i don't think it's just me cause most of the relationships i've heard of or seen are not simple either. i always thought that 'love' requires no effort...but boy was i wrong. then again...i could be wrong about being wrong...maybe i just haven't fallen in love yet. oh well...like i've always said....if it happens...it happens....if not...what's the worst that could happen?
feefs, 1:02 PM
