Wednesday, January 28, 2004
confessions of a gambler
i should change the title of my blog to the above title. my friends and i have taken gambling to a higher level it's not fun anymore. it's become more of a competitive sport. there are contraversies (is that how you spell it?) and there are disagreements...there are debts...some of them good...some bad. and i must admit that i too have submitted myself into it. i have become this edgy and impatient person that i never thought i'd turn into. i always believed that it's never a good thing to mix money and friends. well....over the past few weeks it seems as if that's the only 2 things that i've been mixing. i always thought i was an educated gambler...but then again...is there such a thing? i used to think i was a moderated gambler as well but over the past few weeks i've changed my mind. oh well...hopefully this whole thing blows over after chinese new year...give or take 10 days.a friend of mine asked me yesterday..."when are you going to find yourself a boyfriend?". have i been single THAT long? is it becoming that noticeable? i was hoping that my single-ness would go unnoticed for another year or so. truth is...i'm not interested in finding myself a boyfriend. i don't even think it's possible. it's not like finding a pair of shoes...although i wish it were that easy. i do admit that i am shallow...and i am fussy....which is probably why i'm still single. i like my life the way it is right now.....free and easy. i like being able to do things at my own pace...to be able to do the things i enjoy doing without having anyone to tell me to do otherwise....i like being able to spend time by myself or with my friends and family. i have yet to reach a point where i feel lonely although some people seem to think that it's inevitable. according to some people...having someone around makes things so much easier. you don't have to worry about who to have lunch/dinner with...you don't have to worry about going to the movies and buying a ticket for 1...you don't have to worry about who's going to take you to singapore or fetch you from work. i have to agree with that. there are just some things that you can't do with your friends or family. how do i solve that? i have no idea. so far i've been doing good. i always have friends surrounding me...i still manage to find time to do the things that i like to do on my own. i don't usually have to worry about who to go to dinner with cause someone will eventually call and if not...i could always order in and have dinner in front of the tv. i don't mind the loneliness...sometimes i cherish it.
i don't fancy the idea of going out and finding myself a boyfriend. i believe that it will eventually just happen naturally without effort. and if it doesn't...what's the worst that could happen? i like my freedom at the moment. besides...as most of my friends would say...it's not going to be easy to find someone that will be able to make me truly happy...and it wouldn't be easy for me to make someone truly happy either. oh well...i guess i'm just not the "together" kind.
feefs, 6:04 AM
