Saturday, January 24, 2004
i am a compulsive gambler
it's been a very typical chinese new year so far. open houses...lion dances...free food...and lotsa of gambling. i had the longest gambling run at a friends place on the 2nd day of chinese new year which lasted 12 hours straight. i didn't even break for dinner. imagine me playing mahjong with a box of domino's regular beef pepperoni with cheese on my lap wrestling with a pizza with one hand and trying to play mahjong with the other. it's not funny. multi-tasking has never been one of my strong points. things eventually became quite messy and i had to choose between eating or gambling. had two slices out of the six of pizza (i was hoping to get through four) and then i decided that gambling is priority. hi...my name is *insert name here* and i am a compulsive gambler. i need rehab...but not until chinese new year is over.things that i should do:
- eat more
- stop gambling
- stop smoking
- work more
- earn more money
- save more money
- sleep early
- sleep more
- be more disciplined
- be more punctual
- set proper priorities
- be nicer to people
those are all things that i 'should' do but am not doing. it's like how my mom tells me that drinking birds nest is good for my health but i still refuse to do so cause i just can't stand the taste. we generally don't like to do things that are difficult or things that require change. i'm so used to this lifestyle...i don't want to change...i am reluctant to change. why? because it takes effort. would i be a better person if i did change? i'm sure i would...i'd be a nicer non-smoker and non-gambler. but i can't be bothered to change yet...until someone (other than my immediate family) tells me 'or else'.
a friend of mine recently ended a 4 year relationship. funny how these things come at such unexpected times. to be honest...i didn't see it coming which just about goes to show how good of a friend i am. after being together for 4 years i'd expect something more. something along the lines of wedding bells and infant shoes. anyway...a 4 year relationship makes my 2 year relationship look like peanuts. then i start to wonder what it must feel like for them. i had so much trouble getting through a 2 year relationship...i can't imagine what it would be like to recover from a 4 year one...or a 6 year one. are emotions accumulative? do we develop more emotions...more attached...more dependent over the years? i'm sure we do...but does that make the recovery period more excruciatingly painful?
someone once told me that it takes half the time you went out with someone to get over them. i personally believe that every relationship is different as every individual is different. the level and magnitude of emotions cannot be measured over time. i can be with someone for 2 years and not love him as much as i love someone i had an occasional fling with. it also depends on how much of an impact that person has made. so i guess it doesn't really matter how long you went out with someone...it's really a matter of how meaningful and how deep the relationship really was.
oh well....on a brighter note...it's time to gamble.
feefs, 8:33 PM
