Wednesday, January 28, 2004
my mother the chameleon
my dads back. got a call from him earlier today. apparently he arrived earlier in the afternoon and will be staying for a couple of days. he doesn't actually have any business or things that he has to do back here...i think he's just bored. for those of you who haven't heard....here's a summary.- my parents are seperated and have been for about a year
- my father has a girlfriend/mistress/wife/whatchamacallit of 13 years (you do the math)
- my father now lives in penang with his girlfriend/mistress/wife and has 4 children (yes...technically i have 5 brothers and 1 sister)
- my parents are on talking terms but i know that they're just pretending to get along
anyway....i'm amazed at how i took everything so well. it was definitely hard at the beginning when my mom just found out that my dad was having an affair for 11 years. sometimes i wonder how my dad did it. either he was very good at hiding it or my mother was too blind to notice it. anyway....u must be wondering why my mother is a chameleon.
it's amazing how she can change from being nonchalant about everything to a desperate...needy and pathetic soul. at any mention of my dads name or even the word 'dad' my mother immediately becomes the interrogator from hell. she questions everything. whenever my dad is back she keeps tabs on me and my brother. always asking where we're going and who we're going out with. she doesn't normally do that on a daily basis. she keeps telling me that she's finally over my dad. she keeps saying how she finally understands that everything is for the best. she can change from being a person i admire to a person that i despise. i used to admire her...that she could actually get over a 27 year marriage in 2 years. i used to think that she was strong and that if she could do it under those extreme circumstances...then anything is possible. but now after seeing how she shrivels up and submits herself to my fathers beck and call...i'm starting to notice her true colours. she wants us to believe that she's over him...she wants to believe it herself....but she isn't.
i don't blame her though. 27 years is a long time...longer than i'll ever know at this moment. the longest relationship i've ever had only lasted 2 years. in my honest opinion...i don't think she'll ever get over him. but that's just my opinion...people can change. i hope she realizes that there's no use pining away over some man whore. i love my dad...very much...and i do acknowledge that the fall of my family is entirely his fault. there is no way a husband can justify cheating on his wife for 11 years and having children with his mistress. there is no excuse...there should be no pardon either. i blame him for all the agony and despair that my mother and the rest of us had and still have to go through. but i can only hate him for so long. eventually...when the sun sets...he's still my dad. he still supported me when i needed a leg up...he was still there to bail me out whenever i was in trouble...and he was there to kick my teachers asses everytime they called him up to tell him that i've been skipping school and carrying ciggarettes around in my pocket.
my mom once asked me to make a choice. to pick either one of them. she used to think that i was my daddy's girl and that i'd choose him over her. but truth is...i wouldn't pick neither of them. i'd rather live alone than to live with the idea that i chose one over the other. fortunately for me...i didn't have to make such a choice. i'm happy with the way things are now...they could be better but i think that would just be asking for a pie in the sky.
feefs, 2:15 PM
