Tuesday, March 09, 2004
crosswordmania
for those of you who don't know me...i'm a crossword puzzle addict. every night before i go to sleep i attempt to complete one crossword puzzle from the many lovatts crossword puzzle books that i have (thanks sui san). and i realize...after downloading some crossword puzzle softwares and stuff...that my obsession with crossword puzzles is getting a bit out of hand. it used to be something that i just do to try and put me to sleep or just to pass time....now it's something that i want to come home to. i know i know...i'm lame...but i like the challenge...and i like the idea of exercising my brain cause heck i don't do that very often on a daily basis. anyway...i should really tone down on the puzzles and shit.hasn't been a very eventful few days. i'll be on holiday next week so i'm trying really hard not to miss any classes this week. gotta fight the urge...not easy. haven't been watching many movies or going out much these few days. i guess i figured that i should take some time off by myself to figure out this whole singapore extravaganza stuff. i'll be leaving for singapore for my audition in a week and i should be prepared...both performance wise and mentally as well. and i need to know what i want from them if they offer me a job and how much i'd expect cause i don't want to waste time deliberating and stuff.
anyway...i was talking to a friend recently and he mentioned that he's always thought of me as emotionally unavailable. that i seem uninterested in relationships and commitment. i guess it's true...i'm at a stage in my life where i just want to enjoy what i have without being tied down. i want to be able to do what i want...whenever i want and not have to answer to anyone but myself (and occassionally my mom). but that doesn't mean that i won't end up in a relationship in the near future. i guess i've always believed that 'if it happens...it happens'. i'm not going to go out of my way and look for someone to fall in love with...i'm not going to look at every guy as a potential candidate. i'm enjoying my single life.... which some people also say is something i keep telling myself as a defense mechanism....i believe i am truly enjoying it. after being tied down for so long i've come to appreciate my own time...the times where i get to do the things that i want by myself i.e. crossword puzzles...watching 3 movies in a day...veg-ing out in front of the tv....reading trashy novels.
i realize that nowadays...being attached is not so much about emotions anymore. it's more about having someone there. having someone to hold...having someone to wine and dine with...having someone to talk to...someone to go out with. there are some people who are attached purely because everyone else is. i don't see a point in that...i don't see a point in being with someone when there are no emotions involved...when there is no 'love'. relationships are not supposed to be out of convenience....are they? if i'm lonely or if i need someone to talk to...i'll go find my friends...i'm not about to go out and find a stand-in boyfriend...someone who'll just fill up the silence and the space.
this post has no real reason...no real purpose...except to fill up my time and space.
high of the day: waffles
low of the day: the pissy rain
feefs, 1:25 PM
