Thought Of The Day: that's the funny thing about romance. if you had to ask for it, it takes away all the romance.

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Wednesday, March 31, 2004

FW: no subject

it's been a long time since i've wrote anything. i believe that this blog thing will slowly fade into some fortnightly thing. i don't have much to write about....nothing exciting ever happens to me.

for those of you who haven't been updated...i am leaving to work in singapore in exactly a months time. initially i was pretty excited but it's slowly wearing off and the fear is starting to settle in. i've never really been away from home. although i pride myself in being independent and able to take care of myself...i'm slowly starting to believe that all my strength has been derived from the people around me. and soon i'll be gone to the land of kiasu's where no one speaketh proper english and i'll only be able to come back once a month (if i'm lucky).

i used to joke to my friends that i'll always be there to see them off at the airport when they go abroad to study. i used to think that i'll spend the rest of my life back here. well...i guess things change. but then again...i'm only going to be there for two years...unless i get there and end up enjoying myself tremendously. but for now...it's just the two years. i wonder if anyone will even notice that i'm gone :)

anyway....there was a point in time today where i looked back at all the stupid things i've done over the years. the mistakes i've made....the idiotic things i did just for kicks....the friends i made...the friends i've lost. it comes as no surprise that i ended up where i am today. and the part that upsets me the most is that i have only myself to blame for all of that. i wish i could blame someone else.....but if i did i'd only be in denial. there are certain things that i've done that will never be forgotten by some....other more important things that should be remembered but have passed into a fading memory. and then i realized that i shouldn't be expecting anything from anyone. i shouldn't expect people to appreciate my efforts or the sacrifices that i've made. i shouldn't blame anyone for my shortcomings or my failures. only i will know the reasons as to why i did certain things...only i will know the sincerity of my actions...and if i believe in myself...then i don't have to answer to anyone...and i don't have to apologise for anything.

it seems as if this is the season for dark skies and blue eyes. many people that i know...including myself...are trapped in the midst of some very tough times. all i have to say is live by the day. it's easier to get through a lifetime if you just take it one day at a time...don't expect anything from anyone...and don't expect anyone to understand what you're going through. the only person that truly knows how you feel and what you're going through is yourself.