Thought Of The Day: that's the funny thing about romance. if you had to ask for it, it takes away all the romance.

archive
current
October 2003
November 2003
December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
December 2004
January 2005

Saturday, August 14, 2004

in the name of love

i know i've done a lot of stupid things in the name of love. some things that cannot be erased or taken back. and the crappy thing about all those things i've done is that i have to bear the consequences of my actions and live with it for the rest of my life. i know we all make mistakes and some people would say it's the journey of life but shouldn't a journey have signs and warnings? kinda like a road trip....there are arrows pointing you to all the different directions stating where it would lead you and telling you how much further you have before arriving at your destination. life's journeys are a bit more vague. they just point you to a couple of directions without telling you where you're going to end up. it's all about taking risks....trying out different things to see which one fits. along the way...we make mistakes...we get our hearts broken...we break a few hearts as well...we lose sight of what's important to us...we lose friends...we make new ones.

i wish we didn't have to lose the people close to us. making friends....close ones...isn't an easy thing to do. it's not everyday that we find someone that we can connect with...some we trust...someone that just clicks. then we screw it all up by taking the friendship to the next level....knowing that it might destroy any chance of a future friendship in a split second. but we still insist on going ahead with it because it 'might' work. we'll never know until we try right so we dive into something that's uncertain. things are fine for awhile....we forget that there was a friendship in the first place....we enjoy the moment...we're happy. but it's not the same...there's no freedom...no distance. we get stuck...we suffocate each other...we stop treating each other as friends and start treating each other as husband and wife. jealousy...paranoia...insecurity...deceit...all the things that never existed in a friendship now exists cause we decided to ditch the friendship and move it up a notch.

eventually things start to fall to pieces and that's when you realize that the move was a disaster and that there is no way that you can maintain any semblence of the previous friendship when things go bust. now that you know so much about the other person there is no way you can be friends and not have a million thoughts running in the back of your head. either way...it has to end. the fantasy of spending the rest of your life with your best friend has to come to an end and the reality of participating in the downfall of what was once a great friendship sets in. things start to get weird....we try to go back to the way things used to be but who are we kidding. eventually we go our seperate ways....barely keeping in touch. we bump into each other...exchange pleasantries....talk about how we should get together soon to catch up knowing that it's all just talk. it's all become so routine...things become so much more polite it's almost irritating.

so we lose a best friend. is it worth it? some people might think it is cause if we never did try we would never know whether it could've worked out. we can always find another best friend. well...we all have different opinions. some people look at it as a lesson...some people look at it as a mistake. i personally have no idea how to look at it....maybe in time i'll figure it all out.