Monday, November 17, 2003
great expectations
someone who was and still is not very close to me gave me a lecture today. apparently i have no direction in life and even though i've worked for 3 years..i'm still stuck in the same place. i didn't know there was a corporate ladder for music teachers. oh well...anyway...what she said made sense and i know for a fact that i have no direction. i know what i like to do and what i have passion for but i'm too lazy to do something about it. i have stuck myself in this groove and i've become complacent with my current lifestyle. so much so that i'm too lazy to get out of it. the thing that scares me the most is waking up one day and realizing that it's too late. you know how people always say it's never too late. well...i believe that in some cases there is some room for tardiness.i believe we all have choices. and i didn't exactly turn out the way i wanted to...
and i don't think this was what my parents had planned for me. but shit happens. i know i can do better and i know i haven't reached my peak yet but i'm too lazy to make a choice. i'd rather stay where i am right now. i know it's not good and i know it's not getting me anywhere.
which brings me to the question of the day: why is it we do not change until it's an ultimatum? when we're sick (physically) we visit a doctor in hopes that he will pinpoint the illness and perscribe meds to begin our road to recovery. but when it comes to life and the choices we make why is it so difficult for us to take precautions? why do we wait until the last possible moment? why do we have to hear the words "or else" before we do something about it? we obviously (at least i'd like to believe so) know what's best for us but we sometimes choose not to see it. we'd rather live in denial and ignorance. ignorance is bliss...yes...but ignorance is unhealthy and unproductive as well.
i have this disease. it's called procrastination. i've pinpointed my disease but i'm not doing anything to remedy my non-fatal disease. if i had a disease and it was called AIDS i would be spending every moment doing the things that i've always wanted to do and living the life that i've always wanted. i would want to go to sleep at night (or in the morning) satisfied and fulfilled. but until i am diagnosed with such a disease i will most probably be my usual procrastinating self.
what's the worse that could happen? i might miss a boat or two...is it worth it?
feefs, 9:40 AM
