Friday, November 28, 2003
OUCH!!!
recently i had the pleasure of being hit in the crotch by a football. and let me tell those of you who have yet to experience it....it is not funny. you know how guys suffer excruciating pain when they're kicked in the balls....well...i'll never know cause i don't have a dick and balls to go with it. i'm assuming it's not as painful as being kicked in the balls...but it is nonetheless painful. but i think the pain is slightly different. it's not the kind that hurts when the incident happens. it's the kind that hurts the next day. kinda like a bruise or a muscle pull. oh well...it happened on wednesday so i've recovered now.i think i'm finally getting a laptop. went to the bank today to get the cash...7k. it breaks my heart to spend so much money in one place but it's the price i have to pay for being spoilt. so i'm hoping that i can get a laptop for way cheaper than 7k cause i was thinking of using the balance to pamper myself over christmas and new years.
have you ever been in a situation where you want something or someone so bad but you're afraid to ask because you're afraid you might get rejected? i recently had this conversation with a girly friend of mine and we were trying to figure out what's the safest way of letting someone know you're interested in them without being embarassed. i understand that fear is one of the main reasons why we hold back when it comes to emotions. we fear being let down..we fear being rejected...we fear humiliation. but then again...what happens if that person is interested in you as well. wouldn't it be worth the possible humiliation and rejection?
our generation grew up with a twisted reality. if we were living in the 40's and someone holds your hand...that counts for something. but now...you can sleep with someone and it wouldn't mean a God damned thing. so how can you tell whether that person is being sincere or not....how can you tell whether he is interested or whether he's just yanking your chain (amongst other things)? people are sending so many mixed signals out there and it's either to misintepret it. it's easy to get caught in a web of seduction and believe that he's interested in pursuing an intimate relationship when all he really wants is sex. so what do we do? we have to adapt to the situation. we have to detach ourselves from all emotions and play the same games as they do. we have to be calm...centered...nonchalant...aloof even. some people have to try to be cool...others are just cool as ice by nature.
oh...that reminds me...someone once told me that i'm an 'ice queen'. do i really hurt people that bad? sometimes i wonder why men are as erratic as women. some of them want to be played...others don't. how do we tell one from the other? but i think it's challenging and fun. it kills the monotony of life sometimes. if things were so easy...how would we know how we really feel.
feefs, 5:40 AM
