Thought Of The Day: that's the funny thing about romance. if you had to ask for it, it takes away all the romance.

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Friday, February 06, 2004

why did i let andrew bully me?

it seems as if the only thing to do nowadays is to gamble. even with the chinese new year celebrations at an end i still find myself drawn to it. for instance...today is saturday (technically) but to me it's still friday night cause i haven't slept yet. it's already 8am and i just returned home from a round of mahjong and a weird experience at a mamak. i have work tomorrow (technically today but i'm still on friday time) but i still insisted on staying out late and gambling my entire night and morning away. i did win money...quite a lot of it considering i only played mahjong for about 4 hours or so.

anyway...we were on the way back from yum chaing and someone mentioned that we wouldn't be able to sleep later cause our minds will still be focusing on the events that happened...i.e our weird mamak experience and the whole mahjong session. now that i think about it...it's absolutely right. i'm sitting here wondering why i let andrew bully me into losing that one round of mahjong or why i didn't win that round where andrew threw the 'eight' that i needed. it doesn't matter to me but i still think about it anyway. oh well...i guess my entire life revolves around my friends and gambling...hence the only thoughts i have are those about my friends and gambling.

i came to a realization today. my future boyfriend (if i ever have one) will have to tolerate my excessive gambling habits. i see my friends girlfriends advising them not to gamble...i hear about people who do not permit their partners to gamble...i hear of people who have broke up because of it and then i start to wonder about myself. i like the thrill of it...i like the strategy involved in games such as mahjong...chor and gin. i don't mind losing...i definitely don't mind winning. it's a form of entertainment to me just like going to the movies. it passes the time...i get to bond with my friends...i get to laugh and have fun. but i know a whole lot of people who discourage the hobby. i know it's a bad habit...but it's not exactly one i want to kick. i don't want to have a boyfriend who tells me to smoking...i don't want a boyfriend who tells me to stop gambling or drinking. i want someone who accepts me for the delinquent i am. but then i suppose there is a limit to these kinda things. if it eventually affects the relationship then i suppose i would have to slow it down a little.

i know i know...i'm a hypocrit. i wouldn't want a partner who drinks excessive amounts of alcohol and shoots up as well. we all have this tendency to nag on anothers faults rather than to concentrate on our own. that's the root of most arguments don't ya think? so i guess at some point or another we would have to (let's all say it together)...'COMPROMISE'. wouldn't it all be better if we just accepted each other as is...with faults and defects. oh well...that's not the way things work i suppose. but if any of you do know someone who's tall....handsome...has an iq above 130 and would tolerate a gambler...give me a call.