Thought Of The Day: that's the funny thing about romance. if you had to ask for it, it takes away all the romance.

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Thursday, July 08, 2004

evolution?

i've had a lot of time to think over the past few days. i've been going through a period of self inflicted solitary confinement throughout most of my days. my activities include reflection..dissection..and ultimately acceptance.

i realized over the weeks that i've been back...that things have changed. i still haven't pinpointed whether this so called change stems from me or from the people around me. i keep looking back...reminiscing the times that once were and how i was so free. i had everything that i ever wanted and i was truly happy. have you ever had a moment where you just stop and think to yourself "i am happy right now" and just smile? it's been a long time since i've had one of those moments. a moment where everything seems to fit into place and there's no missing pieces. right now i have many things to be happy about. i have a job that i enjoy...i have parents who are supportive...i have friends who i can count on...i am independent and self sufficient...i am financially stable. but somehow there's something missing.

have i changed? have my expectations been raised? do i want more now that i've achieved this much? is it not enough? or do i just feel this way because i chose to go away? many things have changed since i left. friends who were once there are distant now. some of those that i still hold dear are still by my side. but it's only natural to grow distant when there are 3 states and a causeway standing between us. and i always thought that absence would only make my trips back and our time together more precious. i guess i was wishing for a pie in the sky.

this post has no real reason or direction. the one problem that i've always had is that i think too fast. before i can finish typing one thought i've already had 3 other thoughts pass me by. don't get me wrong...i love my friends and they're a good bunch. it's just that circumstances have changed and therefore we evolve. i don't blame them...i only blame myself. but how i wish things could go back to the way they were...and we're all sitting down together...having drinks...laughing and talking like we used to.